#860: A Virus with My Initials

December 8th, 2017 § permalink

In a few hours, my virus will glow. » Read the rest of this entry «

#569: The 1,001 Chicago Afternoons Holiday Gift Guide

December 16th, 2015 § permalink

Although Hanukkah is over, there is actually another gift-giving holiday in December.

Followers of the sect known as Christianity celebrate a special day called “Christ-mas” in which trees are slaughtered, cookies are left for fat, flying elvish deer-herders and Irishmen receive massive amounts of birds.

In case you want to purchase a gift for this regional folk festival, here are some ideas that will support a few of the people and organizations I’ve written about in the 150 stories that have appeared on this site so far in 2015. » Read the rest of this entry «

#529: Jolanda, The Slowest Fucking Turtle in the World

September 14th, 2015 § permalink

He looked out on the crowd, the howling, screaming, hooting wonder pounding beers and clustering with pitchers and mugs around the shallow, topless plywood box covering the pool table for a night.

Someone handed him a ping-pong ball. He read off it.

“Number 5! Jolanda!” the man shouted into the mic. “And we all know what Jolanda is!”

“The slowest! Fucking! Turtle! In the world!” the crowd screamed back as one. » Read the rest of this entry «

#134: Fiesta Time

March 6th, 2013 § permalink

He was smiling toothy at me, but clearly didn’t want me there.

“Coffee? Down there,” he said, pointing west toward Foster and Western. “Down there you have coffee, hamburger, everything you want.”

He had a perfect coif of white hair to match his toothy smile. He was handsome once, you could tell. He was handsome now. But he wanted me out of Fiesta Time. » Read the rest of this entry «

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