#836: Funny Things

August 30th, 2017 § permalink

I presume the calligraphed words running down his well-hewn triceps said UNTOUCHABLE and UNSTOPPABLE. » Read the rest of this entry «

#806: Invisible Ink

June 21st, 2017 § permalink

Over the winter, I met with a bright, energetic, early-20s writer who wanted to do a story on me for a local arts website.

I think I made him sad. » Read the rest of this entry «

#805: Grapefruit, Rubber Bands and Weaponized Sadness — A Tale of Malört

June 19th, 2017 § permalink

He had a contemplative look on his face, as if someone he trusted had hold him 2 + 2 = Aardvark and out of respect he was trying to see if there was anything to it.

Then a vein bulged in his forehead. His mouth pulled back in a grimace and hiss, he took two steps back and made a noise that was a combination of “Whoo!” and a deflating inner tube.

My cousin had tried Malört. » Read the rest of this entry «

#769: God’s Edmontosaurus

March 27th, 2017 § permalink

Years ago, I visited a creationist dinosaur dig.  » Read the rest of this entry «

#754: Presidential Quotes, Corrected

February 20th, 2017 § permalink

“When written in Chinese, the word ‘crisis’ is composed of two characters — one represents danger and one represents a weaving machine, or small chair.”

– John F. Kennedy, Remarks at the Convocation of the United Negro College Fund, April 12, 1959 » Read the rest of this entry «

#752: The Reporter, the Professor and Me

February 15th, 2017 § permalink

“It’s with a heavy heart,” the e-mail read, “that I tell you that my endeavor as a freelance journalist is in its final months.” » Read the rest of this entry «

#738: Your Plans for Wednesday

January 13th, 2017 § permalink

The stage is set.

I mean, it’s not a stage so much as a microphone at the back of an artsy-funky dive bar in Bucktown.

And the performers are readying.

I mean, they’re not professional performers with headshots and acting credits and feelings on “the theatre, darling” so much as men and women from the community who have stories to share.

And we’re going to take on the president-elect of the United States of America in the last few hours we get to say “-elect.” » Read the rest of this entry «

#725: Help Nonprofits Survive Trump – Venue and Date

December 14th, 2016 § permalink

At 7 p.m. Jan. 18, 2017 — 40 hours before a dangerous man ascends to the highest post in the nation — come to Gallery Cabaret at 2020 N. Oakley Ave. to drink some beer, hear some stories and raise some money for groups that are going to need it.

But before then, here’s how your words can help a few good groups survive the next four years. » Read the rest of this entry «

#724: The Only Story

December 12th, 2016 § permalink

I tell stories. A lot of them.

I tell stories of a city, or at least the North Side, I grumble to myself when not feeling up to task. I tell stories of people and places and that time an alderman bit off another alderman’s ear.

I’m working on a project that, if all goes to plan, could be the first to quote both U.S. Appeals Court Judge Abner Mivka and Nadwuar the Human Serviette.

But is it wrong that the only story I want to tell today is the snow? » Read the rest of this entry «

#710: Eight Thousand Fucks From Spider Jerusalem and My Own Thoughts on Donald Trump’s Election

November 9th, 2016 § permalink

“Your first deadline’s tomorrow. I want to see eight thousand words. Printable words. I still remember that essay you wrote when the Beast got elected. I do not want to see the word ‘fuck’ typed eight thousand times again.”

- Royce, issue #1, Transmetropolitan » Read the rest of this entry «

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