#658: The Five Greatest Sentences the Chicago Tribune Has Ever Written

July 11th, 2016

It’s a beautiful summer day, I was out of town all weekend at a wedding and, well, I just wanted to do this.

So in lieu of your usual story today, a list of five of the greatest sentences that ever appeared in the Chicago Tribune, as per its online archives.

“’Well groomed’ is a comparatively new adjective in its application to human beings.” May 2, 1896

This one is from an 1896 article about grooming, the “Modern Art by Which the Homely May Be Made Attractive.” It also tackles such hot-button issues as women washing their faces. It says they should.

“We had to bar some people, so we lost some of the safety-pin brigade.” Nov. 9, 1979

New wave is invading Chicago, displacing some of the darker aspects of punk. Also, I don’t think I’ve ever heard Iggy Pop referred to as “the godfather of new wave” before.

“wild but well mannered fauna, a trained combat wombat, and a colorful parade…” Feb. 18, 1946

Something old, something new, something borrowed and a combat wombat.

“He has only weeks in which to store his shrunken heads and 2,200 eggs, some of which are as tiny as a bee.” Sept. 8, 1940

From the article “Sam’s in a Jam About His Ten Shrunken Heads.” Also, I want to party with this guy.

But finally, for your reading pleasure, the undoubted greatest sentence in Chicago Tribune history, made even greater by the fact it’s a quote from the state’s attorney.

“He can give no logical reason for living like a wild man at the abandoned cheese factory.” Sept. 23, 1911

Thank you. This has been the five greatest sentences the Chicago Tribune has ever written.

Learn about a 1920s all-flapper magazine

Learn how the Tribune got its new name (probably)

Track down four spots where Chicago had the world’s first

A bit of skyscraper poetry

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