#985: Packy & Cracky’s Super Funtastic Go-Go-Wow Illinois Political Gamesmanship Kids Activity Book

September 26th, 2018

The following is a selection from a planned-then-discarded kids activity book about Illinois politics I briefly toyed with writing in 2017.

While I have no desire to actually write the adventures of Packy and Cracky the Gerrymander Twins, Their Friend TIFany, Layoffo the News Clown and House Speaker Mike Madigan, it is super-late in the day and I have to run to an interview for an actual story about life in modern Chicago.

So with your indulgence and forgiveness I give you Gubernatorial Corruption Charge Limericks. Answers will be posted on the @1001chicago Twitter account at 9 a.m. Friday, Sept. 28. Thank you for making it to 985 stories and may God have mercy on my soul.

Easy (recent convictions)

The appointment will drag. Oh, ya rich?
Then let’s see some swag for ya pitch.
I claimed truth as a tenet
But tried to sell off the Senate.
Bleep me, I’m Rod _____.

No one can fault me for tryin’
To keep death-row inmates from fryin’.
A bribe for a license,
Kids then died for my sins.
Off to prison for me, George _____.

Medium (less-recent convictions)

The bribery scam was an earner,
My race riot report a page-turner.
A rep as strong as Ajax’s
Took down by horse taxes.
Just call me poor ol’ Otto _____.

Take me off this list, you trash-talker.
My office was clean as white caulk, sir.
After politics tanks
I go into banks.
Seems you shouldn’t give loans to Dan _____.

Hard (accused but not convicted)

I was the favorite Democrat son
But my repute was ruined, so that’s done.
My crime, so banal,
Took scrip from the canal.
I’ve got a suburb named for me, Joel _____.

Honesty was what I hung my hat on.
Big piles of cash, my safe sat on.
I was not a barbarian.
As an octogenarian,
Who cleaned up state cash? William _____.

I had six months before charges — that’s all.
Hired eight of the jurors that fall.
My defense — oh this stings –
Was the divine right of kings.
The Klan calls me Lennington _____.

The Answers

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