#717: Five Images from Chicago Collections Consortium to Haunt Your Turkey Comas

November 25th, 2016

In the spirit of July’s story The Five Greatest Sentences the Chicago Tribune Has Ever Written and because I just want to eat turkey leftovers today, here are five horrifying images from the Chicago Collections Consortium, a wonderful online resource for anyone interested in local history or horrific apocalypse clowns.

Speaking of which…

I have personally titled this image "The Hell-Clown Waits"

What makes this a truly horrifying post-Thanksgiving nightmare is not the concrete proof Puddles Pity Party is a time traveler, but how expectantly the children watch what is clearly a countdown clock to Armageddon.

All dressed for the nuclear winter to follow, one is covering her ears in anticipation of the blast while another attempts to move the Fire Clock forward to the moment the earth will burn and the Empire of the Clown overtakes flame-cleansed streets.

Or else it’s an old radio show or something. Click the photos for the real story.

Science Advancing Mankind, albeit in a passive-aggressive manner

“Oh god, he’s going to say hi,” Martha nervously thought to herself. “Yeah, I’m sure you totally ‘happened to be here’ and this has nothing to do with you stalking my Facebook. Have some self-respect, Marcus. I’m with Carter now.”

A late-run "Outer Limits" episode

Fun fact: Three of these shiny women have killed before. Which three? The answer may surprise you.

"This is some papal bull," Mayor Dever thought. He congratulated himself on his joke. "Katharine will like this when I tell her. Katharine will laugh."Negotiations with the micro-pope were going well.

"Open your mind, Mr. Quaid."

And finally…

Next week on “Monkey Hoarders.”

Read five ridiculous sentences from the Chicago Tribune

Read five ridiculous things found at the Vintage Garage

For a change of pace, read about a local woman and Tunisian flutes

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